The house reeks of old carpet and cat urine.
It was once a lovely place, plain to see, but definitely not now.
Not sure if I can breathe anymore, I am grateful for the second hand cigarette smoke billowing from my hosts, and oddly enough grateful for their company.
This roof over my head is better than nothing, I guess.
But then again, nothing doesn’t reek.
To my left, there was thankfully an open window and, with even greater gratitude, a screen on it. A humming bird, small and green, flittered on blurred wings over dark pink flowers that were petals opened towards the western sun.
My nostrils are stinging as if over some cage in some ill-maintained pet shop.
No drinking from the faucets of this place, the store bought water is closed tightly. It sits to my left on the dresser top that’s serving as a table for my laptop.
Despite my sadness, there is nostalgia here. There is precognition here.
My grandmother’s house had this scent, not so much the feline splatter as much as Chihuahua dog funk.
Full circle I’ve come. And I knew I would. There were nightmares.
It’s a hoarder’s house of empty soda cans, spots on the carpet you don’t dare stare too hard at, and piles of boxes, buckets and cans. Here reign very old lamps, and a very new television so out of place its ultra-real HD looks cartoonish.
The real high definition, in real life, is replete with olfactory stimulation, olfactory assault actually!
With pure intent, it is not with malice or contempt that this is written.
I should be grateful for it this night, for the next two, then it’s off to another friend’s place for several days.
Can I come back from this?
Does anyone ever come back?
This photo up top is of my temporary art table.
That is my bed.
That’s Archimedes in the background. He’s a little bi polar. He doesn’t talk or anything, but he’s been with me through thick and thin over the past 8+ years.
(He does suprisingly well in the spinning cycle.)
Sitting in his lap, (in the first photo) that’s another little varmint I picked up. I chose to name him Ros Ghoul. (the ears of some comic book nerd is burning right now)
Is it weird to look into the eyes of a stuffed toy and see within them a sparkle of unbridled joy? No matter what their caregiver may be experiencing, those things mirror the pleasure we have for living that I think at one point was within all of us. Those of us who are adults now.
Still, I like to think of them, Archimedes Polium (his full name) and Ros, both as horcruxes of the positive magic. (Harry Potter fan nerd-gasm happening somewhere now) All my best vibes into these guys.
Oh yeah, art table. Working on one of my heroes right now, two of them actually. I just went back to do a once over her (the hero) before the shading process. All four heroes of the team should be done by the weekend.
I found this one today, written in 2009.
Mankind alone presents such a colossal threat to our selves that survival of most, or even a fraction, of the species seems very unlikely. The ignorance of this threat is so compounded by our own sense of importance that the rallying cry among even the very best and brightest of us is, “Save the Planet”.
Canvassers of Green Peace – eerily only seen around the market places and never near the foliage of city parks or camping grounds – have in their clutched hands, on those laminated notebooks, that same plea/command in that big bold green san serif font, “Save the Planet”.
Yes, even those of us committed to forestalling mankind’s part in global destruction seem oblivious to the fact that we can’t save the planet. It is the planet that is constantly saving us.
Through war, plague, or cosmic impact, the planet Earth will exist. It may cease to be the Big Blue Marble, but it will continue to exist with or without us. As it has shown and clearly demonstrated in its 4.5 billion year old geological record, it has. In the worse case scenario, a new life matrix, a new world order of an ecosystem sooner or much later would eventually reaffirm itself. At first, it was the single cells, then the multi-cellular entities, then fish and amphibian, then the reptiles, and currently the mammalians. Perhaps after the next massive level of destruction, the world would fall onto the insectivorid.
My apocalyptic view reflects both scenarios of apocalypse, man-caused and geologic.
The human system of things cannot possibly endure. It is too myopic. It relies way too much on religiosity, mysticism, or technological optimism to save us from the rigors that pollution and geocentric exploitation has wrought (or will) upon us.
The planet Earth, it is a dynamic sphere that, in its entire existence, has never displayed an average climate. It is a dynamic sphere that has a dark history of extinction level cataclysms, a world of shifting tectonic plates on continental scales, grumbling super volcanoes, restless oceans, and bi-polar wind systems.
To believe that there will never again be another great destruction, to not see the distinct possibility of another impending doom, is beyond any concept I can fathom of wise reasoning. To me, it is a given.
But to fret and lament beyond the urgings for us to acknowledge and seed the stars, in my opinion, represents an even more profound insult to life.
In the blink of an eye, the lowly gnat has to live an entire life cycle. It flies and mates with glee in the warmth of a sun that will one day betray us all. For the brief moment that it lives, its clings to that life to ensure its kind lives on for yet another brief moment in time, and its offspring will do the same.
The sparrows soar with joy on the wind that will one day devastate them, even knowing that within this capricious time of calm, they could be taken from the heavens by a diving hawk beyond their purview of senses.
And humans, we dance despite the hardships in our lives. We love today with the hopes of a forever, because we have today.
Yes, the world will end. Be it tomorrow, 2012, or 5 billion years from now when our sun goes nova, it will end. It and we are finite.
Knowing this and accepting this makes every second of living just that much more the worthy enterprise that it is…more miraculous, and…much more enlivening. I see the world and all life within it as fascinating phenomenon. I believe the challenges which all organisms face within their myriad and collective environments as necessary challenges. These are contests borne of the rule that drives survival of the fittest and the undeterred ever adjusting direction of evolution. It goes down to the single cells, this protocol of tooth and claw. I see the universe as neither fair or cruel, or as human friendly.
There is a balance of natural forces that work on a marriage of equals and opposites.
The universe is what it is. It is cold and hot. And everything that exists within it is natural; else it would not exist within it.
Perhaps one day man will reach beyond the clouds and stars and this time establish a strong handhold. Perhaps one day we will have the wisdom to take all of our eggs out of this one basket.
We can only hope and work towards that.
The ele-mental’s diary 7/21/2009